I knew something was up when I called my mom yesterday to bitch about life, per usual, and she blurted out: I'm going to be a comedian. It's not unusual for my mom to have fleeting bursts of inspiration about new career paths she'll pursue despite not having the proper skills or training.
One time she bought a book about the comic strips that were printed in the New York Times and decided that her doodles, done during work meetings, were worthy of being published, too. Then there was the time that she wanted a career as a psychic after dreaming of a missing person featured in a missing person's ad.
It turns out that last weekend my mom watched the movie "Sleepwalk With Me," which she continuously erroneously called "Sleepwalking Through Life" during our conversation. The movie "Sleepwalk With Me," which stars real-life comedian Mike Birbiglia, who also co-wrote and co-directed the film, was a Sundance audience award winner. The film follows Birbiglia as he journeys to be a stand-up comedian. This is my ma's take on the film:
What movie did you see this weekend?
I saw this really good movie called 'Sleepwalking Through Life' [It's called 'Sleepwalk With Me']. It was a true story by this guy who was this stand-up comic, and how his career took off and stuff.
His name is Max Covalotosi [His name is actually Matt Pandamiglio] or something. But he’s really funny and the whole movie he does like a little documentary about himself. He starts out as this horrible comedian who does really bad, old jokes from the ‘80s, and nobody laughs. He works as the bartender, and then he has his girlfriend he’s been with for eight years, right? And she wants to get married and it’s causing him major anxiety. So he’s starting to do sleepwalking. And so then he finds material for his act based on the fact that his girlfriend wants to get married. But in the meantime, he’s doing little gigs all over the place.
This is why you want to be a comic?
Well, no no. Let me get to the story. So anyway, he starts off with little gigs all over like Pennsylvania, Trenton, New Jersey and Ohio. He gets 50 bucks a night, 170 bucks a night. He sleeps in cheap motels. Pretty soon he actually gets good, and he has this horrible agent that’s so funny. She looks like my grandma. She’s like about 4-feet tall, and she eats microwave popcorn all the time. She’s telling him stuff like, if he won't take these gigs she’s going to take him off speed dial. I mean she’s really funny. But anyway. So after the movie he actually does good, and he has this sleepwalking thing that's pretty bad.
Is this a documentary?
No. It’s a movie, but it’s kind of like a movie of this guy’s life. I think it’s based on his true story. It’s not a documentary. But he does a little cinema verite where he’s driving his car.”
What?
Cinema verite. You know like realistic. Where he’s driving his car and the camera is in the passenger seat while he’s driving.
Where’d you learn that?
What do you mean where’d I learn that? I’ve been around. Shoot. What are you talking about? I know cinema verite. So he’s really a funny kid [according to Wikipedia, Mike Birbiglia is 34]. So, anyway this morning I decided that at the age of 64 I think I want my new career to be a stand-up comic. And I'll be something like Joan Rivers or Kathy Griffin.
You’re not that funny.
Yes. I am funny. I am really funny. Everybody laughs at my stories. So I’m going to be an inspirational storyteller/comic. And I’m going to have material like dating and I’m going to talk about … going to my retirement seminar. I don’t know. I have a lot of material in my life.
You haven’t told me one joke.
[Laughs] There are no jokes. I’m not going to tell jokes. I’m going to tell stories and they’ll be funny stories. OK. This is my funny story. I went to a Woodstock party, right?
I was dressed in my long, flowing skirt, and I had like a flower in my hair, eye makeup and all this cool stuff and these moccasins. I even found purple moccasins and lots and lots of beads.
Recently?
Yeah. Recently.
It was a Woodstock party. So they had a live band and they had—nobody was dancing except me and Georgia, who’s in my canoe club. She’s 65. But we got up on this dance floor and we started the crowd dancing and stuff. Anyway. So this guy was dancing with me. He was kind of a heavyset guy with a big walrus moustache.
Yuck.
I know. For some reason he had this Bluetooth in his ear the whole time. I don’t get that part, why it was flashing blue in his ear the whole time he was dancing.
What I’m noticing at my age, which is really kind of — it could either be really really depressing or it could be funny — is that sometimes what men do is they don’t ask me my name and my phone number. One of the things they ask me is my age. And I have no idea why they think they can just ask me that. So my first response is: Oh, don’t you know that you’re not supposed to ask a lady her age? So that sufficiently humiliates them so they kind of like go, ‘Oh, no!’ And then the second kicker is I tell them, I say, ‘Oh, that’s OK. How old do you think I am?’
Ma. Ma. None of this is even funny.
[Laughs] I think it’s funny. Ahh. Whatever. Anyway so the second thing I say, ‘How old do you think I am?’ And then they have to make something up that’s like really young or something because otherwise they get stuck.
They can’t say you’re older than you are. So then they usually say I’m like 45 or something. I go, ‘Wow! You’re so intuitive. You’re right!’ I think that’s a funny story.
No. It’s not. I didn’t laugh.
[Laughs] What are you talking about? It’s because you’re not 64.
That’s not why. It’s a long-winded story. You’re not a comic. It's a story.
Yeah. I want to be a storyteller.
Those are stories you tell your girlfriends and they chuckle.
I know. But I could tell it to like real people and get paid.
You’re not going to get paid.
Why not? What if I go to an old age home?
You don’t think my stories will liven up their lives? The moral of my story is: you ain’t old ‘til you’re dead. That’s the moral.
If you get any laughs at senior homes it’s because they have dementia.
Well, this guy in this movie 'Sleepwalking through life' ['Sleepwalk With Me'], I mean he was a horrible horrible comedian. So he started making jokes about his girlfriend. And then he actually did really good. But then in the true-life story he broke up with her and she went off and got married and had kids. I don’t know what he’s doing now. But he really realized that he just should not be married.
And he went through many obstacles and barriers just like you telling me I’m not funny. But he persevered because he loved doing jokes and stand-up comedy.
I’m reading online right now and it says comics should get a laugh a minute. You didn’t make me laugh once in five minutes.
It’s because you’re my daughter you’re not going to laugh. I told it to Robin. Robin was in a bad mood. So she didn’t think I was too funny either.
So you’re making excuses why people aren’t laughing? [Laughs] I’m laughing. What the hell? If I laugh –– I don’t know. The movie was really cute. It inspired me. I love telling stories. I don’t mind performing. I like performing. I don’t really want to be in plays because that’s a lot of work and you have to show up at rehearsals. What if I became like a comedian?
You don’t think comedians put in work?
Yeah. Sure. But it seems like it would be fun work.
Comedians are notoriously really depressed.
Really? I’m depressed. I have chronic depression, dysthymia.
Thanks for the talk.
What? I think it’s good. I was inspired by the movie ‘Sleepwalking Through Life’ ['Sleepwalk With Me'] and I’m going to become a stand-up storyteller/comic at the age of 64.
Aren’t you 63?
No, I’m 63 now. I’ll be 64 in two months. I gotta figure out what I want to be when I grow up. It’s getting a little close now. I have to admit [laughs].
Did you tell anyone else about your stand-up comic dreams?
I did. I told Robin.
That’s it?
Well, Robin wasn’t too encouraging because she was having a depressed moment. So she just basically said, ‘Oh, I don’t know. That’s a lot of work. You have to be able to handle rejection.’
You’ll start crying if they reject you.
No. I won’t. I’ll think it's funny.
Have you told anyone else?
No. I’m just sharing it with my two friends: my daughter and my friend. Hoping that they’d be supportive, and not reject me already before I even start my comedian, comedic career.
Can I give you advice.
Sure, what?
Don’t tell anyone else.
OK. I’m not. I’m not going to tell anyone. I’m just going to do it. When I get booked at the Arcadia Chinese Old Folks Home, haw haw for you [laughs].
See that’s funny. It made you laugh.
Shut up [laughs].
Whatever. You guys are just jealous. That’s all I can say. J-E-A-L-O-U-S, man. Just because you can’t be a stand-up comic.
OK. Bye.
Bye. I love you. Bye bye.
One time she bought a book about the comic strips that were printed in the New York Times and decided that her doodles, done during work meetings, were worthy of being published, too. Then there was the time that she wanted a career as a psychic after dreaming of a missing person featured in a missing person's ad.
It turns out that last weekend my mom watched the movie "Sleepwalk With Me," which she continuously erroneously called "Sleepwalking Through Life" during our conversation. The movie "Sleepwalk With Me," which stars real-life comedian Mike Birbiglia, who also co-wrote and co-directed the film, was a Sundance audience award winner. The film follows Birbiglia as he journeys to be a stand-up comedian. This is my ma's take on the film:
What movie did you see this weekend?
I saw this really good movie called 'Sleepwalking Through Life' [It's called 'Sleepwalk With Me']. It was a true story by this guy who was this stand-up comic, and how his career took off and stuff.
His name is Max Covalotosi [His name is actually Matt Pandamiglio] or something. But he’s really funny and the whole movie he does like a little documentary about himself. He starts out as this horrible comedian who does really bad, old jokes from the ‘80s, and nobody laughs. He works as the bartender, and then he has his girlfriend he’s been with for eight years, right? And she wants to get married and it’s causing him major anxiety. So he’s starting to do sleepwalking. And so then he finds material for his act based on the fact that his girlfriend wants to get married. But in the meantime, he’s doing little gigs all over the place.
This is why you want to be a comic?
Well, no no. Let me get to the story. So anyway, he starts off with little gigs all over like Pennsylvania, Trenton, New Jersey and Ohio. He gets 50 bucks a night, 170 bucks a night. He sleeps in cheap motels. Pretty soon he actually gets good, and he has this horrible agent that’s so funny. She looks like my grandma. She’s like about 4-feet tall, and she eats microwave popcorn all the time. She’s telling him stuff like, if he won't take these gigs she’s going to take him off speed dial. I mean she’s really funny. But anyway. So after the movie he actually does good, and he has this sleepwalking thing that's pretty bad.
Is this a documentary?
No. It’s a movie, but it’s kind of like a movie of this guy’s life. I think it’s based on his true story. It’s not a documentary. But he does a little cinema verite where he’s driving his car.”
What?
Cinema verite. You know like realistic. Where he’s driving his car and the camera is in the passenger seat while he’s driving.
Where’d you learn that?
What do you mean where’d I learn that? I’ve been around. Shoot. What are you talking about? I know cinema verite. So he’s really a funny kid [according to Wikipedia, Mike Birbiglia is 34]. So, anyway this morning I decided that at the age of 64 I think I want my new career to be a stand-up comic. And I'll be something like Joan Rivers or Kathy Griffin.
You’re not that funny.
Yes. I am funny. I am really funny. Everybody laughs at my stories. So I’m going to be an inspirational storyteller/comic. And I’m going to have material like dating and I’m going to talk about … going to my retirement seminar. I don’t know. I have a lot of material in my life.
You haven’t told me one joke.
[Laughs] There are no jokes. I’m not going to tell jokes. I’m going to tell stories and they’ll be funny stories. OK. This is my funny story. I went to a Woodstock party, right?
I was dressed in my long, flowing skirt, and I had like a flower in my hair, eye makeup and all this cool stuff and these moccasins. I even found purple moccasins and lots and lots of beads.
Recently?
Yeah. Recently.
It was a Woodstock party. So they had a live band and they had—nobody was dancing except me and Georgia, who’s in my canoe club. She’s 65. But we got up on this dance floor and we started the crowd dancing and stuff. Anyway. So this guy was dancing with me. He was kind of a heavyset guy with a big walrus moustache.
Yuck.
I know. For some reason he had this Bluetooth in his ear the whole time. I don’t get that part, why it was flashing blue in his ear the whole time he was dancing.
What I’m noticing at my age, which is really kind of — it could either be really really depressing or it could be funny — is that sometimes what men do is they don’t ask me my name and my phone number. One of the things they ask me is my age. And I have no idea why they think they can just ask me that. So my first response is: Oh, don’t you know that you’re not supposed to ask a lady her age? So that sufficiently humiliates them so they kind of like go, ‘Oh, no!’ And then the second kicker is I tell them, I say, ‘Oh, that’s OK. How old do you think I am?’
Ma. Ma. None of this is even funny.
[Laughs] I think it’s funny. Ahh. Whatever. Anyway so the second thing I say, ‘How old do you think I am?’ And then they have to make something up that’s like really young or something because otherwise they get stuck.
They can’t say you’re older than you are. So then they usually say I’m like 45 or something. I go, ‘Wow! You’re so intuitive. You’re right!’ I think that’s a funny story.
No. It’s not. I didn’t laugh.
[Laughs] What are you talking about? It’s because you’re not 64.
That’s not why. It’s a long-winded story. You’re not a comic. It's a story.
Yeah. I want to be a storyteller.
Those are stories you tell your girlfriends and they chuckle.
I know. But I could tell it to like real people and get paid.
You’re not going to get paid.
Why not? What if I go to an old age home?
You don’t think my stories will liven up their lives? The moral of my story is: you ain’t old ‘til you’re dead. That’s the moral.
If you get any laughs at senior homes it’s because they have dementia.
Well, this guy in this movie 'Sleepwalking through life' ['Sleepwalk With Me'], I mean he was a horrible horrible comedian. So he started making jokes about his girlfriend. And then he actually did really good. But then in the true-life story he broke up with her and she went off and got married and had kids. I don’t know what he’s doing now. But he really realized that he just should not be married.
And he went through many obstacles and barriers just like you telling me I’m not funny. But he persevered because he loved doing jokes and stand-up comedy.
I’m reading online right now and it says comics should get a laugh a minute. You didn’t make me laugh once in five minutes.
It’s because you’re my daughter you’re not going to laugh. I told it to Robin. Robin was in a bad mood. So she didn’t think I was too funny either.
So you’re making excuses why people aren’t laughing? [Laughs] I’m laughing. What the hell? If I laugh –– I don’t know. The movie was really cute. It inspired me. I love telling stories. I don’t mind performing. I like performing. I don’t really want to be in plays because that’s a lot of work and you have to show up at rehearsals. What if I became like a comedian?
You don’t think comedians put in work?
Yeah. Sure. But it seems like it would be fun work.
Comedians are notoriously really depressed.
Really? I’m depressed. I have chronic depression, dysthymia.
Thanks for the talk.
What? I think it’s good. I was inspired by the movie ‘Sleepwalking Through Life’ ['Sleepwalk With Me'] and I’m going to become a stand-up storyteller/comic at the age of 64.
Aren’t you 63?
No, I’m 63 now. I’ll be 64 in two months. I gotta figure out what I want to be when I grow up. It’s getting a little close now. I have to admit [laughs].
Did you tell anyone else about your stand-up comic dreams?
I did. I told Robin.
That’s it?
Well, Robin wasn’t too encouraging because she was having a depressed moment. So she just basically said, ‘Oh, I don’t know. That’s a lot of work. You have to be able to handle rejection.’
You’ll start crying if they reject you.
No. I won’t. I’ll think it's funny.
Have you told anyone else?
No. I’m just sharing it with my two friends: my daughter and my friend. Hoping that they’d be supportive, and not reject me already before I even start my comedian, comedic career.
Can I give you advice.
Sure, what?
Don’t tell anyone else.
OK. I’m not. I’m not going to tell anyone. I’m just going to do it. When I get booked at the Arcadia Chinese Old Folks Home, haw haw for you [laughs].
See that’s funny. It made you laugh.
Shut up [laughs].
Whatever. You guys are just jealous. That’s all I can say. J-E-A-L-O-U-S, man. Just because you can’t be a stand-up comic.
OK. Bye.
Bye. I love you. Bye bye.
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