Cruise ships have gotten a bad rap lately. We've all heard the horror stories from passengers who were stranded on disabled cruise ships. They return from being out at sea, telling cruise ship lore about having to poop in bags and wade through floors flooded with sewage. 

Well, forget all those stories because cruise ships are teeming with fun activities! They're like floating villages with casinos, amusement rides, water parks, shops and restaurants. If you're not having a good time on a cruise ship, well, that's your fault. 

Here are 15 experiences you're missing out on because you're too bourgeois (that's BOO-Zhee) to take a cruise:

Baristas are getting out of hand with the designs they create in your coffee drinks. It's so bad that the other morning I had to call off sick from work because my barista was taking too long to recreate the Sistine Chapel in my coffee.

I totally appreciate that baristas love their craft. But I just want to suck down a strong cup of joe so I can get through another boring day in my slow march toward death. 

There are a few exceptions to this. If your coffee design makes me giggle or say "aw", please proceed to waste my time with your chocolate and milk designs.  

Here are 11 designs that I'd love to see in my coffee cup:

Can you hear the birds singing and smell the pollen in air? Those, my friend, are the sounds and smells of springtime. Spring officially began March 20 (It's true. I Googled it). 

But in some parts of the Northern Hemisphere people are still battling the snowy conditions of winter, so it might be hard to believe it's actually spring.

Here are some other signs that mean springtime is here.

You can tell a lot about a person by the T-shirt they wear. Like your mother used to say, your shirt can either make you look like a slut or a frumpy nerd who will never find a husband. Well, maybe that was just my mom. 

My point is before you approach a person look at the words on their T-shirt to learn if they're a potential murderer, rapist, lover, new best friend or terrorist. 

Forget about looking in a person's eyes or face to tell if they're honest. Just read the crazy print on their shirt.

Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Slow down there Speed Racer. Sure, speeding in your car will get you to your destination two minutes quicker and makes you look like a badass in front of your new girlfriend. But think about all of the cool things on the road that you're missing because you're driving too fast. 

Enjoy the scenery on your commute. There are some pretty amusing sights to see on the road. This is what you missed:

On the first day of the second month in the second year, God spoke to Moses in the wilderness of Sinai. God gave Moses the Fifteen Gym Commandments. 

I'm no fitness expert, but even I know the basic gym rules like to wipe your gross sweat off the machines and to not hog the popular cardio equipment for over 30 minutes. 

The folks in the images below must have skipped the section in the gym handbook on workout etiquette. These folks are in serious violation of the holy Fifteen Gym Commandments. 

There are many different types of vandals: funny vandals, perverted vandals, political vandals and silly vandals. 

Vandals aren't necessarily violent. Sure, there are vandals that unnecessarily cause property damage and need to take spray-painting classes. But some vandals are just misled jokesters trying to make your day brighter by making you laugh. 

Let's explore the different species of vandals, and the ones you should cautiously avoid. 

The children's book "Everyone Poops" by has taught kids (and adults) around the world (I'm not sure if that's actually true) that everyone goes potty.

This blog post intends to educate the children of the world in the same way, teaching them that everyone plays in the snow. Yes, kids, you're not the only ones that can't resist bouncing and frolicking in freshly fallen snow. 

Many others also enjoy playing in the snow as well, you know, until their limbs freeze, become numb and fall off.

United States officials in the last few years have been hyper focused on anti-bullying campaigns among humans. But the greatest tragedy is the bullying that has gone unnoticed in the animal kingdom.

That's right, folks. Humans no longer have a monopoly on bullying. These cats, dogs and birds are just as menacing and antagonizing as any human bully.

Let's meet these hoodlums:

Today is President's Day. It's a time to either honor the current president, all of the 44 American presidents, or to mark President Abraham Lincoln and President George Washington's birthdays. I'm not really sure what we're celebrating today.

But the important message to remember today is that getting a holiday  from work and school is always worth celebrating.

In commemoration of today's holiday I'd like to honor the unsung leaders of the country: class presidents.