What happened? I missed it! I was tying my shoe. Aw, come on guys! What happened?
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When I was a wee little girl I used to bite off the backs of gummy bears, lick them and stick the suckers to my shirt. At the end of the school day, I'd peel the gummy bears off my clothing –– lint and all –– and pop them in my mouth. Ah, memories!

Today, I'm taking a break from posting my usual poop and penis videos to tip my hat to the great gummy bear ruler, Hans Riegel, who died yesterday at the age of 90.

Riegel, the Haribo sweets company founder’s son, is credited with making the brand a household name.

To thank Riegel for our childhood memories, let's look at all of the fun ways you can play with your gummy bears:
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Even the Master of Suspense, Alfred Hitchcock, couldn't have orchestrated a video like this that leaves viewers on the edge of their seats, rooting for the pizza.

Spoiler alert: The pizza survives. 
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Justice is sometimes swift. 
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Leave it to ballsy New Yorkers to give unsolicited advice to a happy street-performing trumpet player. 

This alleged NYU Film School graduate, who is also a stand-in for Gandalf, apparently thinks he's a judge on “America's Got Talent.”

"You are everything that's gone wrong in this world," said the classically trained hobbit. "You're flat! You cannot even carry a fucking note. I don't care about your little, like, horned lip. Doesn't mean you know how to play!"

Let this be a lesson to any horned-lipped youngsters who dream of  playing the trumpet: the streets of New York are paved with critics ... and hobbits.
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For centuries researchers have speculated that Americans are slow learners when compared to their international counterparts, but now there's proof. A new international survey by the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development indicates that Americans' already shitty reading skills are getting shittier than others in developed countries. 

It probably doesn't come as a surprise to you that Americans are grammatically challenge and have low reading proficiency (Sorry, forgot who I'm talking to. Translation: You read dumber than foreigners). All you have to do is take one look at your Facebook, Twitter and Instagram feed to see proof that people you once respected as your friends can't spell any better than a retarded moose. 

To help you impress your friends on social media with your killer grammar skills, here are 17 quick and dirty spelling tips:
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